放牛班的春天

因为发烧的缘故，在宿舍里呆了这样的一天。下午的天气潮湿闷热，下载了电影，先是一个《小红帽》，随后是这部《放牛班的春天》。 放牛班的春天剧照 最早接触是春天去听合唱音乐会的时候，音乐会的名字就叫作《放牛班的春天》。其实那时候听说过电影的名字，但当时正是懈怠，什么都懒得看的时候。 说说几个镜头吧。 孩子们一个个认真地写下自己将来想要做的职业； 被冤枉的孩子，即使被打，也不承认不属于自己的错； 离去的时候，从窗口飞出的纸飞机； 那个追上来说“带我走吧”的孩子，他的执著等待，是对的。 孩子的智慧、快乐。为什么我们长大了，反而不容易快乐了呢？

亲密关系

我一直没有和人建立过如何亲密的关系，或者即使建立过，那也成为过去了；因为同样的缘故，也从未找到过传说中的知音或者知己之类的人物存在，以至于我对此一直心存怀疑且不抱任何希望。 我也一直没有长期稳定地用过什么东西，或者做一件事情，比如我的尺子和笔，很少有能够跟随我度过五年的，总是坏掉丢掉，而却恰恰对这样的东西——这样用得老旧以至于有感情的东西——心存一种特殊的情节，大概这可以用来解释为什么买东西的时候会倾向于买耐用品，因为总觉得它们耐受时间考验折磨的能力要强一些吧。 倘若说这些年来一直在身边，一直没有离开过的，在形式上，大概是书籍，在心里，大概是感情，在头脑里，大概是对事情的一些思考了，虽然有朋友告诉我说，这些对于过去和将来的问题的思考都是无谓的，因为人和事时时刻刻都在变化，你怎么能够用现在的自己的思考来把握将来的事情，与其如此还不如好好做当前该做的事情比如听听歌看看书。可是，你知道，这样的思考，是我的生活方式，而且我觉得既然是思考就没有彻底无谓的思考，对于将来的思考，说到底其实是对自己的解剖和再次认识，因而不是无谓的。 然而，确实想太多了不是一件很好的事情，因为超过某个限度之后，所谓的思考，确实会进入一种无谓的、近乎诡辩的很形而上的地步，这时候就掉到一个圈子里，跳不出来……这大大的不好。我知道。 想到这里，心里有些释然，原来有些东西，我未曾离开过他们，或者说他们未曾离开过我。这就好。不拒绝变化，只是要有些留下来的稳定的东西就好。

电影Ankahee

昨晚看了个电影，电影的名字叫做Ankahee的。说来，我已经有半年的时间没有好好看过电影了，没有那个耐心看下去，每次都是到了一半就不行了，甚至只是看了个开头。这一次，是安静踏实地坐下来看的一个电影了。介绍大概是这样的： ◎片　　名　Ankahee ◎年　　代　2006 ◎国　　家　印度 ◎类　　别　剧情/爱情/惊悚 ◎语　　言　北印度语 ◎简　　介　 Gets better with the birth of a girl, Sheena. Everything seems perfect. Till Miss World and Bollywood star Kavya Krishna [Esha Deol] walks into his hospital with a slit wrist. Kavya is beautiful. Like the rest of the world, Shekhar falls in love with her. For Kavya, Shekhar is the lifeline. Her anchor. The only person in the world who can make her happy. And Kavya wants, needs, struggles to be happy. Nandita, of course, is stuck in the middle. Shekhar is her husband. The only man she has ever loved. And yet, he finds it only too easy to walk away. From her. From their home. From Sheena.ANKAHEE is about the truth that was left unspoken between a man, his wife and their daughter. And the lies that need to be uncovered. 不过似乎没什么说的了，有一些想法吧，流水一下： ·Kavya是有些bt的，不过也是有些可怜的，Shekhar的朋友说得挺对，他说：What you are saying from that I can say that she seems to be a maniac, depressive and a suicidal person. Such people often don't fully enjoy what they have from the fear of losing it. And this tendency is not developed suddenly. Most of the times its root cause lies in their childhood. These kinds of people suffer from low self-esteem. Such scared people react in 2 ways. Either they don't want to achieve anything in life, or they want to achieve everything together. From the fear of losing something, their stubbornness to achieve something increases. And then these people achieve their goal at any cost. You know, Shekhar. These kinds of people are very magnetic. Charismatic. Using their pain they very easily lure you towards themselves. But the most important thing is that they are searching for only one thing. Happiness. They are with you for the sake of that same happiness. They feel that they can gain happiness from you. But to make such people happy is not only difficult but also impossible. Because their greatest ailment is their sorrow. ·Shekhar最后，说自己是一个incomplete的，无论对于自己的家庭，妻子，爱情，还是女儿，毕竟因为牵涉到他，一个幸福的三口之家破碎了， Kavya也死掉了，而最终他祈求女儿对他的原谅，以此来求得一丝安慰，这与若干年前他把所有家产教给妻子而离婚是有类似的意思，他知道自己有罪，然而却已经无力偿还，只好用这样的方式来“弥补”，换回一些心理的安宁，而确实是无济于事的。这只是个外强中干的人，他不懂得的东西很多很多，因此后来，当 Kavya自杀，Shekhar回到旧居找到Nandita，他亲耳听见Nandita说“You are too late”之后，他在车子里哭得像个孩子。他没有勇气和能力来承担这个错误，而错了，就无法挽回了，因为他已经走得太远。背叛，就应当付出代价。 ·Nandita。最后说她吧，这个片子里我最欣赏的角色。她是个女人，而且用了女人的方式来解决问题，她用尽心思来经营自己的家庭，她用尽温柔来对待日益骄横冷漠的丈夫，她在那样的情况下保持着镇定，对着他笑，当一切希望都没有的时候，那个雷电交加的雨夜她冲出家门，找回自己以前的工作，因为她知道，今后，这个家要靠她来支撑了，而她也是有这个能力的。印象深刻的是她找到Kavya的家门说的那一段话：Kaavya. I know that you are not sleeping, Kaavya. And I also know that you are not opening the door because you don't have the courage to face me. You got shocked, right? That how did I come inside your house without asking you? But you didn't even give me the chance to get shocked. I didn't even come to know when you entered my house and took away my husband from me. From 8 years I have been trying to gather happiness. But you ruined all of that in just a moment. You are Miss World, right? You will find many admirers that will love you and pamper you a lot. But Shekhar is the light of my eyes. Kaavya, it's your hobby to make your dreams turn into reality, right? And my dream is also Shekhar and my reality too. You are beautiful, wealthy and successful. You can get the sky to the earth. But the earth below my feet is only my family. At least let this much piece of earth be there with me. To warm yourself don't burn my small world, Kaavya. Don't burn my small world. I have not come here to fight with you. I have just come to ask my husband back, Kaavya. I have come to ask the father of my child back. If possible then give me my world back, Kaavya. Kaavya, return my small world, my Shekhar back. Return my Shekhar back!感人至深，这是一个有教养、有智慧、懂责任且深爱着丈夫的女人才说得出来的罢。 电影看完了，两个多小时的北印英语，基本上听不懂，还是跟着字幕走的，更多的感受说不出，爱和责任，人还是不要因为一时的冲动就做错事，错了，就再没机会挽回了，就算如何都无法挽回。 朦胧的从窗户投入的日光下，母亲端坐在楼梯上，清瘦如圣像；女儿伏在她的膝头，安静。

闭上眼

　　那天在最热闹的街头，忽然闭上了眼睛，站在那里听周围的声音，于是听到了车水马龙的声音，听到了人潮汹涌的声音，然后又在这样的喧嚣的缝隙中，竟然辨认出小鸟的叫声，还有风吹动树叶的声音，心情顿时开阔了不少。 　　 　　上一次这样听声音大概是去年秋天那次去香山的时候，是从一条比较偏僻的小路上去的，走在半山腰，对面的主峰通路上正是接踵摩肩的人多，声音自然也是颇具规模，当时便停下来，安静地听那声音，却失望地发现只有那一边无际的人声，再听不到其他想听到的了，于是颇为怀念几年前在家里每到秋天那树上吵成一片的麻雀的声音。后来计划今年年初一定要去一次，趁着人最少的时候，然而却因为种种原因耽搁下来，至今没有去成，这件事也一直放在心里，直到这一天在街头，发现我想听到的声音，或许不在任何地方，也在随便哪个可以静下来驻足倾听的地方了。 　　 　　安静下来，才能听到心里的声音。